Fat Tuesday

Ah Yes it's Fat Tuesday again!!! Tonight the crew will no doubt be in force and we might actually get a Sosa sighting. I still have 10 dollars worth of beads I bought at party city in my trunk from last year. Clearly there wasn't enough bare skin flying! Tonight, It's a Skin Hunt all around town to get rid of the beads!

Fire UP!

Faucet A$$

I knew there was a reason I never ate at KFC! White G brought over some 99 Cent Fire Snackers to Club 1407 last night and now I'm singing Zippity Dooooo Daaaaa out the Wazooooooo! Never Again!!!

Spring Buzz

I figured the Minister of Fire would throw out some key dates in an attempt to kick the crew back into shape for the Summer RIP!! Let the good times Roll!!!

FEB 28th- FAT TUESDAY Sweeet Titties
MAR 16th- March Madness Best Sporting tournament by far
MAR 17th- St Patricks DAY Green Beer, Green Skirts, Green Eyes, FIRE UP!
April 3rd - Opening Day Rawlings Sports Pub ROCKS!
April 7th - Pussycat Dolls and Black Eyed Peas DON'T CHA!
April 14th- THE MAX, SHERLOCKS ADDISON, TWO NIGHTS
May 5th - CINCO DE MAYO Dos XX and CORONA FOR ALL

WHO'S IN?

LOOPS

Where Am I

The last 36 hours has been bizarre and hilarious! I suppose things started to get strange around 2pm on Sunday when Smakk was providing first rate shuttle service to our cars that had been parked up at Champps since Friday afternoon. Smakk took a little detour for some Italian ice cream which was very tasty. The ice cream clearly didn't effect Smakk's buzz as he proceeded to pick up his bunny over his shoulder and carry her out of the parlor with a family of 5 laughing as they walked on by. Sooooooo that's how you do it in your family, Ok! After the Ice Cream event we took the long 20 second journey to Champps for the obligitory beer and car retrieval. Ice Cream before Beer and you're in the clear! YES! Fast forward to 7pm where we head to see Final Destination 3 armed with Flasks and vodka bottles in our pockets. We looked like a bunch of teenage kids stealing from 7-11. Now the movie seemed to be entertaining however it was hard to tell with the "Over Cougher" sitting in front of White G. This young girl would cough cough cough every 6 seconds and I'm not even kidding. At first I though she just had a frog in her throat and it would clear up but this action proceeded for 1hour and 45 minutes throughout the entire movie. Then you add in the couple behind us with the Crying baby and this is where I started to feel like Randy Jackson on IDOL this season "Where the hell am I" It got so bad with the Over Cougher at one point a guy gets up six rows in front of us and comes back to ask the girl if he can get her a SODA! Mass histeria has set in at this point at White G is losing it to the left of me and Smakk's bunny is gut laughing to the right of me! It started to feel like we were in a Final Destination of our own. I paid 8 Bucks to listen to someone cough for 2 Fucking hours, Are you kidding me? Following the movie our comedy show moved to the LOON for a nightcap. Upon arrival we sit next to a lady who appears to be blitzed and crying in her beer. Boo Hoo! Then this lady proceeds to hit on Smakk with some Mummbo Jumbo can't evenenekrare hear Wha;ht she iss sahinng cuz she is so Fucked up! Come to find out it's an Aussie couple who had been out all day getting hammered! Mmmmm that's ironic, sounds just like the day Smakk and Bunny were having. Anyway I guess the guy was offended when I asked his fiancee how long they had been engaged? Seemed like a non threatening question to me. Then the guy lays into me saying "Do you always ask people you don't know such DEEP questions"? Well Excuse Me, I didn't realize I was getting deep since your drunk ass bitch just told us you were engaged and my follow up question seemed appropriate. Have another drink chump and put a lil Shrimp on the Barbie! Wow is this gonna be a LONG STORY? Moving on, one drink turned into four drinks at the LOON and Smakk and Bunny were fading fast! At one point Smakks bunny was passed out with her head on the bar and Smakk himself was talking to me in Russian I think. Check PLEASE! Was it bad that Bunny leaves with her debit card and car keys still sitting on the bar? Jump in a cab and the guy says where to? Smakk and Bunny say "The LOON" Guy says, this is the LOON, Smakk says "How much" Really priceless stuff if you were like me in the back of the cab taking it all in. Finally in motion the cab drops us off in front of TABC. Mmmm not sure how we ended up a block from our front door but ok lets have another drink. With TABC Dark and out of commission we stumble down the block to the "State Lounge" A quick dip in and it was time to head home.... Only a block from the house you would think this would be an easy project however with Bunny and Smakk it's always an entertaining affair. It was probably 29 degrees out as we strolled up the walk and we were eager to End the madness. We approach the front door, turn the keys only to find out the Dead Bolt had been locked! R U fricking kidding me? Hammered, Smakk Pissed, Bunny Crying, No Cabs in sight, No friends aswering the SOS texts... Needless to say we had a situation here! I leave Smakk and Crying bunny on doorsteps as I proceed to head back to State Lounge to call a cab. I figured I would go back to the LOON, grab the garage remote, come back and everything would be just fine and we could get in the house. So I arrive back at house with garage door opener however bunny and Smakk have disappeared.... Mmmmm now I'm thinking to myself they must of gone somewhere else because they clearly couldn't get in the house. I open up garage head into house. As I proceed upstairs I find Cryaing Bunny face down on carpet by trash can and Smakk Houdini on the second set of stairs "Exclaiming" Shaaaaw BBb I'm gonnnnnn take a NAP. WHAT? Where the Hell am I and how did these drunk people get into the house????? I proceed downstairs only to find that the front door has been kicked in and broken! Wood pieces everywhere, busted metal, Screws loose and door ajar. It's a miracle Carrot didn't escape and head for greener pastures! Did Smakk really kick in his front door with the Dead Bolt on? How can someone that drunk pull off such an improbably stunt? I ended the crazy night with a Totinos Pizza and some TIVO! Classic!

LOOPS


This is what I have heard/know.... Ya'll were trying to hold me hostage at the Loon around 10:30p.... I wanted to leave to go watch Grey's Anatomy and ya'll said No one more drink, that was already after 4 drinks when we were only supposed to go for 1!! So I leave in cab to go get my car from Smakks.
These are text I get from Shaw after I leave:
10:45p - What Up
10:46p - These two r ripped
10:47p - Bunny is passed out on bar
10:48p - Smakk being dick
-Break-
11:48p - We are locked out can u come get us

Text from Bunny:
12:20a - Call me please

Bunny left me a message crying at like 12:30a...

So Shaw told me this morning that ya'll got to your house and were locked out, he was trying to tell ya'll you could all take a cab back to Loon to get garage door opener, you weren't listening cause you were too busy fighting. So he left in cab to get garage door opener, came back and ya'll were gone!! So he goes inside and ya'll are freaking inside cause Smakk kicked the door down!!!

Teacher Crush

Remember the Hot Ass Teacher you had a crush on back in junior high/High School..? The one you just wanted to bang the shit out of even though you were only 14. The one that distracted you from the days history lesson and left you drooling all over the desk. The one that gave you a Pocket Rocket the minute you walked in each morning! The one with the white blouse, slick slacks and an Ass to die for... Yeah you know the one!

Top 2 Teacher Tracks

1. Hot For Teacher-Van Halen
2. Don't Stand so close to me- The Police

LISTEN UP

Up Phrases you should be rolling with!

Suit UP
Turd UP
Slut UP
Drink UP
Fuck UP
Pizza UP
Vegas UP
Shot UP
Skirt UP
Dance UP

And My Favorite of All Time......... FIRE UP!!!!!!